IAN'S FEEDBACK

28/04/2016 

Ian's feedback advised me to include more struggle from Kate within the plot, to make it more balanced and dramatic. I reflected upon this and took the opportunity to re-read my script, and I marked in red, where more tension/conflict could be added.

Firstly, I found that as Kate suffers from anxiety, I need to add tension even to the more simple and mundane scenes.

CHANGE 1: KATE ENTERING THE DANCE STUDIO TO CLEAN

INITIALLY: 
Kate rushes to the dance studio and changes to her cleaning outfit.

CHANGED TO: 
Kate slowly and apprehensively walks up the dance studio stairs. Through the glass doors, she sees a bunch of dancers. She hides behind a close corner out of their sight, and enters the building as soon as the dancers leave the reception area.

JUSTIFICATION: 
The scene before didn't have enough of a struggle. This updated scene more closely captures Kate's anxiety, as it represents the supposed simple act of entering a building as challenging and difficult. It ultimately shows how Kate's anxiety is a huge problem with her life, as it even causes her to be late to her cleaning job.